Sunday, August 06, 2006

Preparing Alvis for Jr. High

In a couple of weeks Alvis will return to Jr. High. She is now going to be a 7th grader.

Am I really that old? Is SHE really that old?

Lavie has been working very hard to get Alvis all set for school. Back to school shopping is almost done. Clothes and shoes have been acquired. Old ones tossed. Schools supplies are now all loaded neatly in a cool (rad) pink binder. How come we didn't have this level of cool stuff growing up? I remember when there were two classes of kids--those with the denim covered three-ring binders (all covered in graffiti, and the nerds who had the Mead plastic binders that had the velcro flip-lip We would cut the top of the plastic cover open and then slide our own pictures into them.

In the interest of making sure Alvis returns to Jr. High in a correct frame of mind and attitude (not that we've been having any issues with that, lately...) I've found the following "educational" videos for her to watch. I hope that by making her watch these, she will become a more productive member of society and our family. Also, that she will be much better prepared to handle the modern issues facing today's youth.

Social Indoctrination Helpful (pre) Teen-Learning Videos

Your Junior High Days (1963)

"This film prepares elementary school kids for the harsh lessons of junior high: You will no longer be the smartest or best athlete. Your carefree days of the teacher holding your hand are over. Your friends will leave you to befriend more interesting kids. You can be an individual by following the interests and clothing styles of the popular people. And finally, you are responsible for remembering your own gym locker combination."

Beginning Responsibility: Lunchroom Manners (1959)

"The rude, clumsy puppet Mr. Bungle shows kids how to behave in the school cafeteria - the assumption being that kids actually want to behave during lunch. This film has a cult following since it appeared on a Pee Wee Herman HBO special."

Private SNAFU - Booby Traps (1944)

"Private Snafu learns about the hazards of enemy booby traps the hard way." (Because kids today can pull all kinds of cruel pranks on each other....)

Appreciating Our Parents (1950)

"Young Tommy sneaks around and discovers that his parents work hard to take care of him and his messes. After watching them slave and toil, he learns that he should be "a real member of his family team," so he can get a bigger allowance. Films like this tried to introduce kids to the idea of being a productive member of society."

Joy of Living With Fragrance

"Shows what the magic of fragrance can do for every woman. Gives her added confidence, a heightened personality and a uniqueness that is all her own. Tells where exotic scents come from and offers suggestions on the selection and application of various perfumes and colognes." (Perfumes should be used responsibly in school.)

Bookkeeping and You (1947)

"Shows the value of bookkeeping to business and the professions, and to the individual in keeping a record of personal finances. Features future film star Dick York ("Bewitched", "Inherit The Wind")." (Alvis needs to learn the benefits of responsible bookkeeping! )

Don't Touch (ca 1970s)

"We learn about the blasting caps and their danger to kids." (Because kids get too many messages about firework safety, but not nearly enough about avoiding all those blasting caps left scattered around the playground...)

Alcohol Is Dynamite (1958)

"Teens Bud and Jack, eager to get some alcohol from the liquor store, ask the adult to buy it for them. Instead, the adult tells them a story of three teenagers who learn the hard way that "alcohol is a violent narcotic". In true Sid Davis form, the story ends with one innocent teen being killed and one who becomes an alcoholic bum, leaving the others to deal with guilt from their night of reckless abandon." (See, alcohol--like blasting caps--is also an explosive material. Who knew?)

And since Alvis is getting old enough to participate in household chores and responsiblities now, she will need to review these people really watched this stuff? valuable home-economics tutorials. In three easy steps Alvis will now know how to take care of her hunger after-school.

Step One: Acquire Snackage.

Buying Food (1950)

"Made for home economics class, this is a primer on sensible food shopping. We learn to read canned food labels and get a glimpse at the mysterious grading system for various foods (and may understand why food grades are no longer advertised unless they are Grade A). Many of this film's messages are still poignant today, especially since supermarkets are designed to encourage impulse buying."

Step Two: Make Snackage.

Let's Make A Sandwich (1950)

"Sally Gasco (short for "gas company") and her mother make tuna rarebit for their young boy guests. Thanks to their gas stove, this process is quick and easy."

Step Three: Clean up Snackage.

Goodbye to Garbage

"This film introduces housewives to the miracle appliance that is the garbage disposal."

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday. Alvis isn't. ; )

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