See, I really appreciate all you do to keep the spam-blogs down to a minimum.
I also appreciate the fact that you are hosting this blog o'mine for free. Heck, you don't even require me to put AdWords on it.
That's very nice. That's why I've been quite enamored with you.
I've gotten quite used to the New Blogger format and think I'm doing much better now. Yes, we got off to a rocky start, but we soon became friends.
But now, well, I don't think you are listening to me.
At least, not as fast as I'd like.
See it's your little cousins.
The blog anti-spam robots.
I'm not sure what I did, but I must have offended them somehow.
Maybe it was the number of links per post? Maybe it was the meta-data listed in my page-code?
I'm not sure.
But when I went to post today from my cute blogging assistant, Windows Live Writer, my post uploaded but didn't post.
Like sending a check in the mail, but the other party doesn't cash it.
So I came to meet you on your turf.
I logged into my Blogger account to say "Hi!"
I know it had been about a week since I posted, but some new comments have been there to keep you company till I got back from my job. It's been heck lately. I've been so tired.
I saw you had seen what I had to say; there was my post sitting in "draft" mode.
So, like always, I added some labels to it and went to post.
Smacked upside me head.
"Warning: This blog has been locked by Blogger's spam-prevention robots. You will not be able to publish your posts, but you will be able to save them as drafts."
Didn't see that one coming.
Those are some mean-nasty robot cousins you got there, Blogger.
I mean, that's like locking a man out of his house in just his skivvies. It's just bad form.
At least toss some boots to him.
So what do you propose we do, Blogger? How can we get past this little misunderstanding?
Dinner? Movie? Want to go to the ballet?
"Save your post as a draft or click here for more about what's going on and how to get your blog unlocked."
Not the ballet? Just a click?
Sure, I'll give you the attention you want and desire. Just tell me what to do, please. I'm a sensitive guy. Really.
"Your blog is locked." (Getouttahere! You don't say!)
"Blogger's spam-prevention robots have detected that your blog has characteristics of a spam blog." (You've never used names before with me....why now?)
"Since you're an actual person reading this, your blog is probably not a spam blog." (Umm...were you thinking that old sweatshirt from college made me look like a non-actual person? Thanks for picking that up. At least you are willing to see me for who I really am.)
"Automated spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and we sincerely apologize for this false positive." (Blogger, dear. I think you've been allowing your cousin robots too many fuzzy navels. They're getting kinda woozy on the job.)
See? Healing a relationship begins with admitting mistakes and asking for and accepting forgiveness. I watch Oprah and Dr. Phil.
"You won't be able to publish posts to your blog until one of our humans reviews it and verifies that it is not a spam blog. We'll take a look at your blog and unlock in in less than two business days."
Ahh. Of course.
You're saying we need to see a therapist.
Sure, I'll see a therapist with you. I still believe in our relationship together.
If I need to demonstrate I really am here for you, so be it.
I'll wait for you.
And I promise....that cute Wordpress thing over there who has been trying to get me to go out for a coffee...I've haven't bitten on her offer.